'I love you' has eight letters but does 'potatoes', if that's not a sign from the Lord above to send your best-spud a, well, spud then we don't know what is! 
 
This year your beloved's Valentine gift will look something like this...
1. An incredibly unsubtle box from 'Satisfying Sex Toys.com' will land at their door
2. The courier will refuse to make eye contact. There is no way they can hide what naughty gift is inside, you cheeky devil
3. While the lucky recipient's face will match the red box, inside your spuddy will find red rose petals, a sexy potato and your very own personal message professionally inscribed
 
Everyone likes to show off their spud-cial presents, we've just made it that little more memorable.